What makes me special is that I have figured out how not to talk

What makes me special is that I have figured out how not to talk. It is a gift, yet it is also a curse. I am free from boundaries, and no longer have any restrictions. I can finally roam the earth and be myself. I can play my video games non-stop. I am finally at peace with myself, and only myself for I am isolated. However this is also my downfall. Who do I share this joy with? I am happy, but I am also lonely. I have no friends, no family. All that I am left with is my memories, which digs deep to the core and pains me very so. I remember my grandfather, o my grandpa! But now I am free of him. No more death to worry about, and no more looking back. I am finally happy and doing what I want to do and be, however how do I know that this is what I actually want? Who is going to let me know that I am doing the right thing? Who is going to tell me that I am happy? It hurts in the chest area when I think about. I collapse with pain, and try to forget. But how can you remember what you don’t have?