There is nothing I enjoy more than playing the piano. I really do believe I can make a living out of it, but Aswad says that it’s way-too-freaking-hard. Maybe if it was the only thing I could, and felt as if I had no other option but to play music for the rest of my life, then Aswad would admit that I have potential. But in the mean time, I have to put up with the doubts that Aswad implants in my mind. As my thought process unwinds, whether it is about the logistics of learning a piece or writing one, Aswad is there to play the Devil’s Advocate. Aswad tries to convince to think farther ahead into the future, where the college process begins and I may or may not be ready to apply to a conservatory or liberal arts school to at least minor in music, specifically performance. But the one thing that she doesn’t know is that playing the piano enables to think more clearly in the present moment, and to not sabotage myself with certain anxieties about the next 18 months or so. Therefore, I don’t dwell about these topics as often as she’d like.
I’ll practicepracticepractice until hours have gone by, and I emerge in a euphoria unlike one anybody can get me to feel—not with words, touch, or… well, yes, emotion. Emotional could be one word I could use to describe the way playing the piano feels. At one moment I can let the sounds I play resonate within me until I feel something. Aswad might put some sort of label on the feeling like “sad”, “light”, “provocative”, or “vulgar”. However, I choose not to put a label on such things. I’d rather let them be and commit the Chopin Mazurka I’m playing to muscle memory. Enjoying the music you play can be an unfeasible task.
Aswad is the whit elephant in the room from time to time. She reminds me of the one thing I have to come to terms with eventually. All I know now is that I don’t have to-- not now. For now, just commit the Beethoven Sonata to muscle memory, and live inside the listening. Play with intention, and the rest will fall into place.
I’ll practicepracticepractice until hours have gone by, and I emerge in a euphoria unlike one anybody can get me to feel—not with words,
ReplyDeletei understand what you mean when you are really immersed in something and it feels great.
"I’ll practicepracticepractice until hours have gone by, and I emerge in a euphoria unlike one anybody can get me to feel"
ReplyDeleteI like how you enforced the repetition of practice through words. you get a sense that practice revolves around continual, repeating, movement
Nizzy--
ReplyDeleteThis is the truth of the piece:
But the one thing that she doesn’t know is that playing the piano enables to think more clearly in the present moment,
Why? Well, it is the essence, or, feels like the essence of what playing the piano is all about. The fluidity of clear-headedness. Ah, and then, when you give us the names Chopin Mazurka and the Beethoven Sonata. You allow the reader to feel the love and the difficulty, that it clears the heart and the mind when you sit down and start tinkling those keys.
I emerge in a euphoria unlike one anybody can get me to feel
ReplyDeleteReally shows how you feel about music, and very elegantly describes some the emotion you get out of it.
"Therefore, I don’t dwell about these topics as often as she’d like." This quote shows how the two of you have almost a different mind but you are the same it show the difference between Aswad and I.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I choose not to put a label on such things.
ReplyDeleteI liked this line because it showed how the two are so irrevocably different
"Emotional could be one word I could use to describe the way playing the piano feels. At one moment I can let the sounds I play resonate within me until I feel something." I really like these lines because I think they really sums up how you feel about your instrument and how your playing affects you.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem for the seriousness and the way the words glide off the page.
ReplyDelete"I emerge in a euphoria unlike one anybody can get me to feel—not with words, touch, or… well, yes, emotion."
"emerge in a euphoria unlike one anybody can get me to feel"
ReplyDeletevery cool line. I really liked the piece in general. this really shows how different you and you are. mad props
"Aswad is the whit elephant in the room from time to time. She reminds me of the one thing I have to come to terms with eventually. " I liked that this line showed that both perspectives are completely aware of each other but don't draw attention to the fact that they do.
ReplyDeleteThe whole piece was very smooth and relaxing. had this certain flow through the mystery of the 2 worlds of your self. I especially like the line:
ReplyDelete"Maybe if it was the only thing I could, and felt as if I had no other option but to play music for the rest of my life, then Aswad would admit that I have potential."
It captures the fight between you two and gives insight to your thoughts.
In terms of Aswad not knowing if I have potential, I don't even know. So how is it possible that she could? :p
ReplyDeleteYou really opened up and it was very brave of you to be the first one to post a Borges & I piece-i loved how you put, practicepracticepractice together, although it was small it really popped out and made the ordinary word into something bigger. Very elegantly put, wonderful descriptions, Great job.
ReplyDelete