Chafkin and I
I see girls everywhere I go, I see girls that are beautiful and I tell myself that girl is dime. Chafkin thinks that those girls are a waste of his time. He enjoys the hunt more then the meal. Where the meal for me is what I strive for in this world. Chafkin enjoys the little games she plays. While I can’t stand it, just think when she will ask for me to give her a ring.
Chafkin waits to call her back and I get my phone once she walks away. Chafkin can wait for a girl to call back. Whilst I sit on my throne waiting for that one. Chafkin waits for her to make the move, I move like there is no tomorrow. The girls wait for Chafkin to finish his meal. I wait his scrapes to fall from the table. Chafkin knows what she will say, I think I know but I am probably wrong anyways.
I wait for love but, Chafkin has time.
I like the contrast between the two different sides of you. The last line showed a clear distinction between the two.
ReplyDelete"Chafkin waits for her to make the move, I move like there is no tomorrow"
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard topic to write about and you did it perfectly. I like this line because it shows the differences between you. While you wait the other you moves quickly. totally chill bro.
Ike--I like that you are both cocky and vulnerable in this piece. That's the strength of the piece. If you were all cocky, the voice of the poem would came across as being a bit too self-assured and we, the reader, just wouldn't be able to take it seriously. But, there is beauty in here because there is vulnerability. Never forget that. Oh, nice rhymes.
ReplyDeleteML
"I wait for his scraps to fall from the table." I think this is a really interesting line because it conveys the difference between you and Chafkin so well.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you made a very nonserious topic into a legit cool poem. "
ReplyDeleteI wait for love but, Chafkin has time."
I see girls that are beautiful and I tell myself that girl is dime
ReplyDeleteI like this line because it gives the paragraph personality. It makes it sound like it's you talking.
"He enjoys the hunt more then the meal" this shows the difference and almost the struggle between Chafkin and I.
ReplyDelete"I wait his scrapes to fall from the table."
ReplyDeleteI really like this line. Really shows the contradicting worlds of you and him. The idea of you waiting for something to happen from him. gives a clue to who has the power but still leaves us wondering.
"I wait for love but, Chafkin has time."
ReplyDeleteA really poignant way to end the piece. Definitely reminds the reader of the two contrasting characters.